Mama, Uncategorized

You’re the Truth, Not I

It’s been so long since the last time I listened to any Placebo’s song. Ten years, maybe 11 or 12, I am not sure. I just stopped and forgot them completely. Until I suddenly missed them, and it turned my emotion upside down.

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There are twenty years to go, the faithful and the low. The best of starts, the broken heart, the stone. There are twenty years to go, the punch drunk, and the blow. The worst of starts, the mercy part, the phone.

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I miss Placebo.

It was the first thing in my mind when I walked into my lab this morning. I bet you guess what I did next right: I played their song on my Spotify all day long and watched their videos during lunch time. Unintendedly, I put Song to Say Goodbye on, the official video. I started to cry. I couldn’t even watch it until the end. It was too heavy for me. Maybe the song, maybe the video. I don’t know. My tears just wouldn’t stop. Luckily I have the study room for my self.

It hit me so hard. All those sadness, dark thoughts, all of those wouldn’t go away. My brain refused to work properly.

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I couldn’t bring my self to listen to Song to Say Goodbye. I randomly played their songs, until I stopped with Twenty Years. I listened to it on repeat. For hours.

OMG. You should watch the live version of Twenty Years, particularly one in Vieilles Charrues 2006. The best version ever.

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These all bring me to the very start, 2004, when Twenty Years was released. The time when all those darkness were relevant, haha! Back then, I was looking foward for the next 20 years. I wondered where would I be in the next 20 years. I was scared that the song would be my prophecy. I was scared of what the future save for me.

Now, there are only 5 years to go. I am just fine, to sum it up. I am OK. It was so much better than what was in my darker mind back then.

There are twenty years to go, a golden age, I know. But, all will pass, will end too fast, you know

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Edan, ya. Hanya Placebo yang bisa membuat saya tiba-tiba menyambangi blog saya. The one and only Placebo.

And that’s the end and that’s the start of it. That’s the whole and that’s the part of it. That’s the high and that’s the heart of it. That’s the long and that’s the short of it. That’s the best and that’s the test in it. That’s the doubt, the doubt, the trust in it. That’s the sight and that’s the sound of it. That’s the gift and that’s the trick in it

Bangkok, Mama, MUPY

Updates on Jamu, Indonesian Traditional Medicine

After a while, some of the things related to jamu that I questioned finally been answered. How? You may ask. I read some more texts and let them sink in my mind. Yeah, the later is more dominant, to be exact. Sometimes, in some cases, doing nothing (not really doing nothing, stopping the search party of new things and elaborating things that we’ve already known is more appropriate, I guess) benefit us more.

What is the key concept, the philosophy, of jamu (as balancing doshas, the pitta, kapha, and vata in Thai Traditional Medicine or balancing the five elements in Traditional Chinese Medicine)?

It is the principle of balancing as well. Bringing back the balance of the shifting elements, strengthen the weakened parts, of our body by the ingestion of jamu, that is what we are talking about. For example, the bitterness of jamu pahitan, one mainly prepared from sambiloto (Andrographis paniculata, king of bitter), is designed to neutralize the overly sweet body of a person with diabetes.

I hope I can find more of this later.

Why aren’t there references discussing it, why aren’t scholars write it? ( I wonder if Jamu – The Ancient Art of Herbal Healing by Susan-Jane Beers is the only modern textbook covering it. It doesn’t discuss the key concept, to start the argument with).

There are modern references covering jamu. Indonesian Ministry of Health has prepared some textbooks related to it. Unfortunately, they are not widely available but when we look for it in the right place, ask the right person, we will find them. Publications on jamu in reputable journals are also available.  They are mainly discussed with phytotherapy approach and written by Indonesian scholar studying in Europe, mainly in Germany and Nederland.

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Writing this made me think of why I could prematurely conclude that. Well, it seems that I did not search in the correct place. I followed the wrong direction so I could not see it. The second reason, I defined it too narrow. Jamu is Indonesian traditional medicine IN ALL POSSIBLE FORMS. Jamu gendong is jamu. All those known crude drugs are jamu. What is sold in depot jamu are jamu. The products of that infamous PT Air Mancur and Jamu Borobudur are jamu. Even those registered under fitofarmaka, from where I stand, are also jamu, the products developed from it.

The third one, it was just me being sok-iye. Baru mengintip dari lubang kunci tapi berasa sudah mengamatinya di bawah mikroskop stereo. Kisah lama. Ahahahaha.

See you at the next updates of jamu, Indonesian traditional medicine.

Bangkok, Mama, Papa

10 Years: Growing Old with You

The last time I wrote a post related to our anniversary was 4 years ago when we had our 6th one.  I also made a post for the 5th and 4th. (Oh, where was I for these last 4 years? My blog is practically dormant during that period of time. The consequences of being in my status quo, is it? Nevermind. The more important question is, should this dormancy prolonged? I am not sure how to me answer it. I am surely not in my status quo, but, who can tell the future? Let’s see how my blog’s gonna roll after this.)

Oh, anniversary. How is marriage after 10 years?

The first half of my married life was pretty much in Long-Distance-Love mode. Keluarga kocar-kacir. We were stretched between Bangkok, Purwokerto, and Surabaya. The second half of gave us much more time to be together. Almost 70% of our 5 years were spent together under the same roof in Karanggintung. So, yeah, we have experienced two different tastes of married life. While we were at the LDL mode, I fancied the idea of living the family life as it should be, literally together and having each other in hugging distances. You can find how I felt and thought about it in the three links I posted at the beginning of this post. Now, after I had experienced the marriage life I dreamt of before, do I still feel the same that being together is way better than in LDL status for a married couple?


It’s valid to say that both have their own minus and plus. Both conditions need hard works to work properly. Both can’t be taken for granted. They bring their own lesson to be learned.

Somehow, if I have a choice, I will go with the later.  Definitely, I do.

In both conditions, communication and compromise are essential. I’ve said it before, love alone is not enough. Marriage grows with responsibility. The longer you are in it, the more responsibility you should take. In the beginning, there was only you and your spouse. As the time flies, there would be children, KPR, growing careers, neighbors, extended families, bla bla bla all you have to deal with. And love alone, my friends, is not enough to overcome the problems related to those.

Yeah, that was 10 years of marriage to me. Sure, I love Pak Suami, and that love has evolved with time. It grows day after day, intertwines with communication and compromises, to build what so-called of our marriage’s backbone.

What about happiness? Am I happy with my marriage? I am. (I don’t know why I suddenly remember my friend’s quote once when I was on my 2nd anniversary. She said that I should not hope too much with married life. She, as long as her marriage, witness that marriage did not necessarily make her happy. She had to shut her dreams down to marry, and after a while in it, she realized that it made her better in many aspects, but it took happiness from her. That’s why she warned me to define progress in my marriage as a better life, and not happiness. Mind you she was in her 20th anniversary now. No, I won’t give you the detail of my dear friend. This post should be about my 10 years of marriage, and not give us fuel to another ghibah.)

But in this point, happiness maybe not the best word to describe the feeling. I don’t know, maybe content is more appropriate. If it so, yes, I am content with my marriage.

The most important thing I realize lately is the importance of not losing our self in marriage. Sure I am Pak Suami’s wife, Soph and Sya’s mom, but I am Tanti, to begin with. That’s where I start and will grow from. If I use the term of an incident in a flight, I should save my self first before I save the other. A happy me for happy children and happy family, that’s the simplest way I put it into a sentence.

Thus, I choose Lucky Man as the soundtrack of my 10th anniversary. Because happiness, more or less, is something in my liberty. I am a lucky woman.

ten years and counting, alhamdulillah


Bangkok, Mama

On Jamu, Indonesia Traditional Medicine

I’ve read a fair amount of references on traditional medicines and started to grip some concepts. It’s open my eyes, knowing how little I have understood this subject before, and how much I need to find out more. At the same time, it rose questions haunting me since then:

  1. What is the key concept, the philosophy, of jamu (as balancing doshas, the pitta, kapha, and vata in Thai Traditional Medicine or balancing the five elements in Traditional Chinese Medicine)?
  2. Why aren’t there references discussing it, why aren’t scholars write it? ( I wonder if Jamu – The Ancient Art of Herbal Healing by Susan-Jane Beers is the only modern textbook covering it. It doesn’t discuss the key concept, to start the argument with)

You start to question things as you start to read, they say.


The Inhibitors I Dearly Love

I ever wrote that I was really bad in multitasking while taking care of Sophie in November 2011. And I am not getting any better, I tell you.

After 6 years gone by and the second child, I am still the same Tanti. A bit worse, to be honest. I can’t do my assignment while Soph, Sya, or Pak Suami around. Not necessarily type something on my laptop, I even can’t read something related to my courses with them around in our room.

I don’t know, it’s my subconscious mind talking, maybe. Being with them is a fun time. Ah, I really should start to defrag this subconscious thingy.