Bangkok, Mama, Papa

10 Years: Growing Old with You

The last time I wrote a post related to our anniversary was 4 years ago when we had our 6th one.  I also made a post for the 5th and 4th. (Oh, where was I for these last 4 years? My blog is practically dormant during that period of time. The consequences of being in my status quo, is it? Nevermind. The more important question is, should this dormancy prolonged? I am not sure how to me answer it. I am surely not in my status quo, but, who can tell the future? Let’s see how my blog’s gonna roll after this.)

Oh, anniversary. How is marriage after 10 years?

The first half of my married life was pretty much in Long-Distance-Love mode. Keluarga kocar-kacir. We were stretched between Bangkok, Purwokerto, and Surabaya. The second half of gave us much more time to be together. Almost 70% of our 5 years were spent together under the same roof in Karanggintung. So, yeah, we have experienced two different tastes of married life. While we were at the LDL mode, I fancied the idea of living the family life as it should be, literally together and having each other in hugging distances. You can find how I felt and thought about it in the three links I posted at the beginning of this post. Now, after I had experienced the marriage life I dreamt of before, do I still feel the same that being together is way better than in LDL status for a married couple?

Nope.

It’s valid to say that both have their own minus and plus. Both conditions need hard works to work properly. Both can’t be taken for granted. They bring their own lesson to be learned.

Somehow, if I have a choice, I will go with the later.  Definitely, I do.

In both conditions, communication and compromise are essential. I’ve said it before, love alone is not enough. Marriage grows with responsibility. The longer you are in it, the more responsibility you should take. In the beginning, there was only you and your spouse. As the time flies, there would be children, KPR, growing careers, neighbors, extended families, bla bla bla all you have to deal with. And love alone, my friends, is not enough to overcome the problems related to those.

Yeah, that was 10 years of marriage to me. Sure, I love Pak Suami, and that love has evolved with time. It grows day after day, intertwines with communication and compromises, to build what so-called of our marriage’s backbone.

What about happiness? Am I happy with my marriage? I am. (I don’t know why I suddenly remember my friend’s quote once when I was on my 2nd anniversary. She said that I should not hope too much with married life. She, as long as her marriage, witness that marriage did not necessarily make her happy. She had to shut her dreams down to marry, and after a while in it, she realized that it made her better in many aspects, but it took happiness from her. That’s why she warned me to define progress in my marriage as a better life, and not happiness. Mind you she was in her 20th anniversary now. No, I won’t give you the detail of my dear friend. This post should be about my 10 years of marriage, and not give us fuel to another ghibah.)

But in this point, happiness maybe not the best word to describe the feeling. I don’t know, maybe content is more appropriate. If it so, yes, I am content with my marriage.

The most important thing I realize lately is the importance of not losing our self in marriage. Sure I am Pak Suami’s wife, Soph and Sya’s mom, but I am Tanti in the first place. That’s where I start and will grow from. A happy me for happy children and happy family, that’s the simplest way I put it into a sentence.

Thus, I choose Lucky Man as the soundtrack of my 10th anniversary. Because happiness, more or less, is something in my liberty. And I am a lucky man with fire in my hands.

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ten years and counting, alhamdulillah

 

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