Mama, Uncategorized

You’re the Truth, Not I

It’s been so long since the last time I listened to any Placebo’s song. Ten years, maybe 11 or 12, I am not sure. I just stopped and forgot them completely. Until I suddenly missed them, and it turned my emotion upside down.

**** *** ** *

There are twenty years to go, the faithful and the low. The best of starts, the broken heart, the stone. There are twenty years to go, the punch drunk, and the blow. The worst of starts, the mercy part, the phone.

**** *** ** *

I miss Placebo.

It was the first thing in my mind when I walked into my lab this morning. I bet you guess what I did next right: I played their song on my Spotify all day long and watched their videos during lunch time. Unintendedly, I put Song to Say Goodbye on, the official video. I started to cry. I couldn’t even watch it until the end. It was too heavy for me. Maybe the song, maybe the video. I don’t know. My tears just wouldn’t stop. Luckily I have the study room for my self.

It hit me so hard. All those sadness, dark thoughts, all of those wouldn’t go away. My brain refused to work properly.

**** *** ** *

I couldn’t bring my self to listen to Song to Say Goodbye. I randomly played their songs, until I stopped with Twenty Years. I listened to it on repeat. For hours.

OMG. You should watch the live version of Twenty Years, particularly one in Vieilles Charrues 2006. The best version ever.

**** *** ** *

These all bring me to the very start, 2004, when Twenty Years was released. The time when all those darkness were relevant, haha! Back then, I was looking foward for the next 20 years. I wondered where would I be in the next 20 years. I was scared that the song would be my prophecy. I was scared of what the future save for me.

Now, there are only 5 years to go. I am just fine, to sum it up. I am OK. It was so much better than what was in my darker mind back then.

There are twenty years to go, a golden age, I know. But, all will pass, will end too fast, you know

**** *** ** *

Edan, ya. Hanya Placebo yang bisa membuat saya tiba-tiba menyambangi blog saya. The one and only Placebo.

And that’s the end and that’s the start of it. That’s the whole and that’s the part of it. That’s the high and that’s the heart of it. That’s the long and that’s the short of it. That’s the best and that’s the test in it. That’s the doubt, the doubt, the trust in it. That’s the sight and that’s the sound of it. That’s the gift and that’s the trick in it

Advertisements
Uncategorized

The Inhibitors I Dearly Love

I ever wrote that I was really bad in multitasking while taking care of Sophie in November 2011. And I am not getting any better, I tell you.

After 6 years gone by and the second child, I am still the same Tanti. A bit worse, to be honest. I can’t do my assignment while Soph, Sya, or Pak Suami around. Not necessarily type something on my laptop, I even can’t read something related to my courses with them around in our room.

I don’t know, it’s my subconscious mind talking, maybe. Being with them is a fun time. Ah, I really should start to defrag this subconscious thingy.

 

Uncategorized

Catatan Akhir Kelas Fitoterapi

[Akhir kelas? Iya, karena kewajiban mengajar saya, baik di kelas Fitoterapi Dasar maupun Fitoterapi Lanjut, hanya sampai ke pertemuan ke-7 saja.]

Bagi saya, pencapaian puncak keberhasilan seorang mahasiswa Farmasi dalam mata kuliah Fitoterapi adalah ketika yang bersangkutan bisa mengamalkan amanah dari Ibu Mangestuti Agiel ini. Beliau adalah dosen yang mengajarkan Fitoterapi pada saya dulu (terima kasih, Bu. Semoga Ibu sehat selalu).

Pesan ini adalah prolog dari salah satu post saya dulu, saat kehidupan blogging saya sedang di puncak kejayaannya.

***** **** *** ** *

Menurut Ibu Mangestuti, ketika kita mendapatkan informasi tentang pengobatan dengan bahan alam, katakanlah tanaman A yang bisa untuk mengobati penyakit B, maka seharusnya kita tidak langsung mempercayainya bulat-bulat (dan mengaplikasikannya untuk diri kita sendiri ataupun orang-orang di sekitar kita) ataupun antipati menolaknya. Kita tidak boleh langsung mengaplikasikannya karena bagaimana pun juga kondisi kita pasti berbeda dari apa yang kita dengar. Logis saja deh, kondisi yang berbeda, ya, tidak akan memberikan hasil yang sama bila diberi dengan perlakuan yang sama. Apalagi kalau informasi itu cuma bermodal katanya. Sudah informasinya sepotong-sepotong, berawal dari katanya-katanya pula. A big no no, lah. Terus, kita juga tidak boleh langsung antipati dengan menolaknya mentah-mentah. Karena bagaimanapun juga, ada kebenaran di sana. Ada yang bisa “sembuh” dari penyakitnya dengan tanaman itu. Terus, jangan lupa, meskipun trend-nya semakin menurun, sebagian besar obat yang kita kenal saat ini berasal dari bahan alam (tanaman, hewan dan mikroorganisme). Bukan berarti selalu didapatkan dari bahan alam, memang, tapi pengembangannya menggunakan model senyawa-senyawa yang ditemukan dari bahan alam.

Lha, terus, bagaimana dong, percaya bulat-bulat tidak boleh, antipati juga tidak boleh? Ya ambil saja sikap diantaranya. Stay curious. Cari informasi sebanyak-banyaknya. Semua informasi (yang bisa dipercaya) dikumpulkan, dicerna, ditimbang-timbang-timbang, dikonsultasikan dengan yang paham, baru kemudian diaplikasikan bila memang itu adalah pilihan yang kita ambil.

Uncategorized

Counting the Blessings

Because, you know, it seems that the-girl-in-Wanderlust-mood mode has been activated. For your anticipation, it will be last for such a long time that nobody can predict its ending. 

Well, i don’t think you know what i am talking about. Don’t try to find out it, please. It’s better that way, i tell you. 

*** ** *

It was what we had, an early meltdown phase. I had been anticipated it with, the worst kind, apologies such it is in our family as my nieces were famous for their massive and prolonged tantrum. I had prepared my self. 

And so life went on. Moments came and went, ups and downs, until I realized one thing. I never found Syafiq in his meltdowns. Yes, not even once. He turned into super sweet, clever, and cooperative version of his self since we had rumahliliput for just the two of us. Alhamdulillah.

It is me, i think. I have a full (minus the smartphone time, though) attention to him. There is no distraction in form of Pak Suami. With his presence, my sayang-sayangan energy was divided into department of menyayangi and department of pengen disayang-sayang. When he’s away, practically all of it goes to Syafiq. He’s happy with it and has no time for meltdowns. That simple.

Well, it’s just my spontaneus guessing. Pak Suami has another idea. He thinks that Syafiq is such a considerate toddler. He -Syafiq- knows that it’s only him and me, and most of things will be just shared between us (that everything will come back to him eventually). This way, he choose to be a sweet and kind boy, to make things easier for his self and for me. 

Whatever it is, i am so thankful for this. That’s why i put it as #1 in my blessings. 

Btw, i hope this post won’t be a jinx (may Allah forbid). I wish Syafiq is in his zen toddler mode for the whole periode, that his wild wild meltdown phase will not be returned. 

Uncategorized

Tentang Waktu

Posting instagram saya tempo hari membuat saya menyadari betapa sok tahunya saya. Sok tahu, padahal setelah saya pikirkan lebih jauh, ternyata saya tak tahu apa-apa. 

Bagaimana bisa saya menduga bahwa pohon yang tumbuh paling ujung itu mati sebelum waktunya, coba? Sepertinya pikiran saya terpaku pada sebagian besar populasi pohon yang masih segar menghijau saat saya mengambil gambar tsersebut. Yang lain masih sehat, kok, jadi seharusnya pohon yang mengering itu juga masih sehat. Bukankah mereka ditanam pada waktu yang sama? Oh, sedemikian tidak runtutnya logika saya. Apakah sekelompok pohon yang ditanam pada waktu yang sama harus mati pada waktu yang sama pula?

Lagi pula, bagaimana saya tahu kalau saat itu bukanlah waktu untuk pohon tersebut mengering? Apa yang saya ketahui tentang waktu bagi setiap individu? Bukankah itu rahasia bagi setiap makhluk, yang hanya dapat diketahui saat waktu itu tiba? 

**** *** ** *

Yes, this is me overthinking things again. Thank to my sleepness nights.